I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
