I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
