If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Say something about gay babies.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
