I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
