I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
