Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize