Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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