Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
