You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I want a musical about memes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
