but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
either way he was missing a nipple.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
