She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
