allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
