We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
