I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
