also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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