So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
