I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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