Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
