I am puke
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
