can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
