so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
