no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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