just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
