I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
