our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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