so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
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