I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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