Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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