Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
