I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
