ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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