i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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