shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize