he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up under a house in Key West
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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