the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
