ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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