Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
