so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
