Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize