my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
