he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize