Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
