im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
