Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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