Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
