Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
