I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
