Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
