Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
