he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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