whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
