Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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