shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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