I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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