So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
