You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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