just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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