I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
