Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
