He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
