i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your cock deserves a montage
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
