Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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