Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
