To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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