Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
