It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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