her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
