he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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