looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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