Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i've created a new STD.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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