please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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