I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
