What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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