I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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