Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
