What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
