you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize