We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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