my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
